What would a planet say if they could speak? For millennia, we have identified extraterrestrial bodies with gods, but maybe it’s time to let them speak for themselves.
Fortunately for all of us, Cameron Sinclair Harris has travelled extensively throughout our solar system, and they are here at the fringe to present their findings by embodying each planet in turn. Spoiler alert: all the planets are completely insane.
Harris smokes a kazoo and wears a bowler hat with a feather in it. “Do you want to be in my band?” they ask. One audience member is given a rattle. Another is instructed to shout out “Boom” whenever Harris points at him. We all sing along to Richard Strauss’s Also Sprach Zarathustra (a.k.a. the theme tune from 2001: A Space Odyssey), with booming sounds provided by our helpful colleague.
Mercury plays a shiny ukulele. They’re not having a great day because they are in retrograde, and they only get five TV channels because they are a terrestrial planet. They are concerned about their eventual demise, which will occur when the Sun becomes a red giant, “the literal personification of death”, and consumes them.
We hear Professor Brian Cox’s description of the next planet: “The closest world to Hell you can imagine”. Venus spins around, tinfoil hat in place. “Hell? Scorched? Me?” they snarl. Venus is determined to convince us that they are capable of sustaining new life, but I won’t be travelling there any time soon.
We continue our journey, visiting all the planets and a few special guests too. Remember Laika? I was thrilled when my primary school teacher told me that a dog had been to space. Then we found out that Laika died a horrible, lonely death in the sky, and that was the plan all along. Harris leads a moving tribute to that plucky little stray.
Harris is commendably committed to silliness – a silliness with a gravity of its own, drawing us into their madcap world. There’s existential terror everywhere we look, so let’s just enjoy life while we still can. Over and out.
Cameron Sinclair Harris: PLANETS!!! runs until 24th August with tickets available at https://assemblyfestival.com
Reviewer: Wendy McEwan.
Reviewed: 21st August 2025
North West End UK Rating: