What gives a piece of art its value? Is it purely aesthetic? Is it arbitrary, decided in reverse once a piece’s price is set? Why did Jeff Koons’ Balloon Dog sell for nearly $60 million? These are the questions grappled with by auctioneers Christopher and Milly in Da Vinci’s Laundry when they are forced to go through with a $450 million sale of a recently uncovered Da Vinci that they know is a fake.
Keelan Kember’s’ choice of high-end art as a subject is full of potential. He paints a picture of a world run by the dirty rich, where art experts’ opinions are reduced to box-ticking exercises that can in any case be overruled by those with enough power. Christopher, the timid auction house representative, is threatened with a 100-foot plummet from a gangster’s balcony if he refuses to sell the sham Da Vinci.
The setting provides a rich cast of characters, from Boris the Russian fraudster (John Albasiny) to Tony the American fixer (Steve Zissis) and his client, the Arab Prince (Fayez Bakhsh). Each is characterised primarily by their national identity; Boris is ruthless, practical and well-organised while Tony is patriotic and doesn’t read books. These identities are the basis of a lot of Kembers’ lightly political comedy – the jokes are well-written and manage to offset the potential discomfort around stereotyping.
Beyond their jobs and home countries, though, the characters could do with more psychological fleshing out. It’s hard to pinpoint the motivations of Christopher, played by Kember himself, other than a general British anxiety that makes him want to run away in most situations. Milly (Arsema Thomas) is a straightforward, plucky counterpart to Christopher’s awkwardness – her purpose seems to be her ability to stand up and speak the truth during the play’s many difficult encounters, but there’s nothing we can tell that is actually at stake for her. The most compelling character is Tony, who starts out so brashly MAGA that it’s touching when he shows a little vulnerability and admits that what he really wants is to be loved.
A deeper understanding of each character’s motivations would help fix pacing issues in the play. Conversations deemed necessary for exposition are where the momentum comes to a halt, particularly around a romantic storyline between Milly and Christopher that we hear about repeatedly but never see realised with any onstage tension. Kembers’ ability to write exciting drama is there (see Boris’ narrow escape from assassination), it just needs to be tightened up throughout the script.
Ellie Wintour’s set is a bright white cube which she describes as “a physical representation of the public image of the art market: polished, untouchable and, always, perfectly in control.” It’s a beautiful design which could be used to a fuller extent in Marie Wheldon’s direction. The set barely changes through the play except for a few chairs being moved about, and the most striking use of lighting is the blackout of the whole stage except the balcony.
Da Vinci’s Laundry is a quick-witted examination of the ugly side of art that shows off Kember’s’ clever and fast-paced comedy writing. Just shy of the dramatic excitement it could hold with some edits, it’s nonetheless a fun night of escapism with guaranteed laughs throughout.
Playing until 25th October, https://riversidestudios.co.uk/see-and-do/da-vincis-laundry-194901/
Reviewer: Holly Sewell
Reviewed: 8th October 2025
North West End UK Rating: