Vardy vs Rooney: A courtroom drama – Altrincham Garrick Playhouse

There have been many moments in society that have reverberated around the country and sent media news desks into a spin, more than ever since the advent of social media. Sporting glory, royal deaths, political scandals.

When Coleen Rooney, wife of footballer Wayne, posted the words ‘It’s……….Rebecca Vardy’s account’, on Instagram, accusing her fellow football WAG of leaking personal stories from Rooney’s private account to The Sun newspaper, the fallout was as instant and, bizarrely, as explosive of any other major news story.

Vardy was promptly vilified for her apparent betrayal of trust and Rooney gained the nickname ‘Wagatha Christie’ when her entrapment scheme to identify the source of the leaks was revealed, leading to Vardy making a libel claim against her rival.

Whilst UK courts don’t feature US-style video feeds that have allowed audiences to pass their own judgement (a la Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard) writer Liv Hennessey has nevertheless adapted this particular War of the WAGs from court transcripts and distilled the seven-day trial into a two-hour play.

In the resulting Judge Judy meets Barnum and Bailey we hear Vardy and Rooney’s own words alongside ‘match’ analysis from, very aptly, two fictional football commentators.

The result is an effective and reasonably paced drama that, interestingly, leaves some seeds of doubt as to whether the resulting judgement was fair as well as reminding all of the adage that, ultimately, the only real winners are the lawyers.

Director Dan Ellis has assembled a good cast to breathe life into the court transcripts. Parissa Zamanpour is excellent as Vardy, imbuing her with a sense of hubris and cluelessness around how unconvincing she sounds as she attempts to explain away condemning WhatsApp messages between herself and absent agent Caroline Wall.

Lauren Brown as Rooney has an interesting blend between calm stoicism and cold calculation. The character feels a little thankless in comparison to Vardy’s brashness but Brown seizes moments of humour where she can (particularly moving around in the boot that Rooney wore due to a broken foot).

Jonathan Higgs is very convincing as Rooney’s barrister David Sherborne, bringing gravitas and creating a genuine cross examination.  John Keen as Vardy’s representative portrays a slightly more genial character. Both have a tough job with the volume of speaking required leading to the occasional muddling of names but, overall, are convincing as the sparring lawyers.

Beverley Stuart-Cole and Robert Crumpton bring some levity as our two commentators, Gem and Jeff and add further colour via a variety of multi-role cameos – the aforementioned Wall, other witnesses, and both ladies’ famous footballer husbands.  These cameos tread a fine line between clever pastiche and over-the-top ridicule, particularly Crumpton’s delivery of Wayne Rooney who comes across less ‘down-to-earth’, more ‘sentient potato’.

There are nice touches in the staging – just like a football match, the sides swap round at half time and Geoff Scullard’s lighting is well used to isolate moments outside of the courtyard drama.

The source material for the play proves both its blessing and its curse. Rooney’s real testimony, which dominates the second act, seems rather dull in comparison to Vardy’s, heightened by the largely static action. Condensing the material into a short play makes the final judgement feel a little leftfield. And there aren’t really any dramatic stakes because most people know how the case turned out.  

Nevertheless, it is a reasonably slick reminder of how society’s obsession with an increasingly toxic social media, scandal and celebrity can spiral to a level of insanity that prompted the case’s real judge (played here by Tracy Mitchell) to ask with bewilderment, ‘Why are we here?’.

Ultimately it may not reach the whodunnit heights of a real Agatha Christie but thanks to a good cast, and the bonkers real-life transcripts, it remains an entertaining watch.

Vardy vs Rooney: The Wagatha Christie Trial runs until Saturday 7^th June. For tickets, visit www.altrinchamgarrick.co.uk/shows

Reviewer: Lou Steggals

Reviewed: 2nd June 2025

North West End UK Rating: