Jumpers for Goalposts – Altrincham Garrick Playhouse

As the football season comes to a close and trophies and league titles are fought for, one wonders if top-flight managers have ever considered ‘taunting the opposition with Enya, possibly T’Pau’ as a legitimate tactic.

Jumpers for Goalposts, written by Tom Wells, and in the safe directorial hands of Joseph Meighan, follows the trials and tribulations of the comically named ‘Barely Athletic’, part of a four-team, five-a-side football LGBTQ+ league that coach Viv, kicked out from ‘Lesbian Rovers’ for being too bossy, is desperate to win.

As we see her attempts to fire up her team-mates’ competitive hackles, we discover the motivations, personal battles and relationships that may be holding them back from glory.

Set within the confines of our team’s locker room, Meighan has assembled an excellent cast to guide us through Barely Athletic’s season, plunging us straight into exchanges of waggish, coarse dressing room banter.

Lewis Sewell gives a hugely enjoyable turn as Beardy Geoff, a busker come ‘gay icon’ wannabe wanting to find the perfect song for Hull Pride. Occasionally his enthusiastic delivery can be a bit overpowering but, overall, he brings lots of belly laughs and bravado, and some solid musical turns, as we see Geoff come back from a scarring homophobic attack.

Sebastian Farrell, as the team’s ‘token straight’ Joe, who is adjusting to his new life as a widower, and Beverley Stuart-Cole as Viv, who we find out was also Joe’s sister-in-law, are both first-rate, with a believable siblings-in-law relationship and skillful dispensation of their witty exchanges.

Equally good are Dan Ellis and Mason Lockwood as Assistant Coach Danny and his love interest, the team’s new recruit Luke, really drawing the audience into their developing romance. Lockwood brings through Luke’s shy, geeky nature well, whilst Ellis is particularly strong as we discover the painful secret holding Danny back from opening up to Luke. Together, both weave a compelling and bittersweet story.

Praise too, to the production team, for excellent support in set, props and costumes, with brilliant song selections to punctuate the action.

Despite brilliant performances, where Jumpers for Goalposts suffers a bit is that the first act is a real slow burn set up, with most of the dramatic tension coming in the second half. Whilst we have plenty of engaging dialogue, it feels like, with a few key plot points pulled out from part one, this could work as a tight, one-act play.

Much like the progress of the team themselves, a gentle start is given a huge injection of life in Act two, where the stakes finally feel like they have truly been raised.

Overall, though, our ensemble has the audience completely bought into their fortunes. As a voiceover announces each match result, there are audible ‘oohs’, ‘awws’ and cheers from the audience as the team claw their way towards victory – or, at least, not coming last.  Whilst Barely Athletic may not hold too many hopes of success, the Garrick has certainly given us a winning performance.

Jumpers for Goalposts, in support of the George House Trust, is on till Saturday 14th May. For tickets visit https://www.altrinchamgarrick.co.uk/shows/jumpers/

Reviewer: Lou Steggals

Reviewed: 9th May 2022

North West End UK Rating: ★★★★