Goldilocks and the Three Bears – Epstein Theatre

I think I’m in love with a pantomime villain.

We’ll come to the snake-hipped Von Vippemall in a moment. Firstly, an acknowledgement that in an absolute ocean of Pantos, it can be very difficult to stand out from the crowd. But Regal Entertainment’s offering, directed by Chantelle Nolan, has not so much raised the bar as smashed it into orbit with the perfect blend of music, slapstick and a few fantastic circus acts to literally put a new spin on a well-known fairytale.

The familiar plot of Goldilocks gets dispensed with in about two minutes flat so that we can focus on a far more interesting tale – Goldilocks (played by the charmingly bubbly Olivia Sloyan) is now a circus entrepreneur with her mother, Dame Gertie (Britain’s Got Talent favourite, Mama G, from Dame Nation) with the three bears agreeing to become the star attraction. But a rival circus owner (our aforementioned villain) has his eyes on claiming our furry friends for his own big top.

The pair are equally helped and hindered by the delightfully dim Silly Billy (Brandon McCaffery) who has great repartee with Gertie, dishing out generous helpings of brilliantly terrible jokes, sweeties and the occasional soaking from highly effective water pistols. And the audience absolutely adore them both, particularly when they’re dealing with any technical or script hiccups.

Hollyoaks’ David Tag, as the Ringmaster, is an excellent addition, with the mums in the audience particularly enamoured of his strongman routines (and glitter-enhanced muscles that the costume team have very thoughtfully put on display).

And our Scouse three bears (Benjamin Keith, Hannah Riley and Katie Mac) are a fabulous trio, bringing dry Liverpudlian wit and gentle digs at Bootle and Birkenhead that the local audience laps up.

But the absolute show-stealer is Timothy Lucas as Baron Von Vippemall. He looks how you’d imagine the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to be if he became a Goth and took up gymnastics.

With his ‘Despicable Me’-esque accent, an ability to contort himself into ridiculous angles as he speaks, and a bee-themed routine with Billy that almost brings the house down with laughter, he is possibly one of the first villains to get more cheers than boos and is unbelievably fun to watch. And “Av you seen ma bearz?” is going to haunt the audience for quite a while.

Overall, every element is there (including a gorgeously cute singalong, sublimely managed by Gertie) embellished with slick changes into dazzling costumes, superb choreography from Nazene Langfield, and a glittery finale that inspires the front row of kids to do the conga round the stalls. It’s an evening of joyful chaos and certainly not one to miss.

Playing until 1st January 2023, https://www.epsteintheatre.co.uk/events/goldilocks-and-the-three-bears/

Reviewer: Lou Steggals

Reviewed: 13th December 2022

North West End UK Rating: ★★★★★