Desperate Scousewives: Nessa’s Story – Epstein Theatre

Oh, the irony: they seated us in Row F while the stage was full to bursting with the F word – and yes, bloody hell, I’m known to swear myself occasionally, but I did mind the language. Never mind close to the bone, it was inside the very marrow. However, you are warned it’s not for the faint-hearted, and the audience, predominantly women, absolutely lapped it up. It is a clever premise, part of a set of plays; so are many of the astringent one-liners.

Take four women, friends and neighbours (hah…), shut out of their homes on a freezing cold evening in a row of terraced houses in a Liverpool back street, which also harbours a Women’s Refuge. Lily and Trisha are winsomely clad in pyjamas with Susan sporting a onesie big enough for two or threesies, and Lily a cross between an angel and a fairy. Mix in one pregnancy, a runaway prisoner, and a variety of feuds, and there you have it: Merry Christmas Eve.

Susan…where to start with somebody who could, and would, fall out with Baby Jesus? Described as sharp-tongued and sarcastic, she’s nothing more than an obnoxious bully, with fatally, not one redeeming feature. Likewise, her bestie, the eponymous Nessa who would win a gold medal if there were one for pulling faces. Constantly cocking her head, she’s a shoo-in for the nodding dog in a car. The other two are slightly more sympathetic, tho Lily joins the others in picking on Trisha and is peculiarly obsessed with the unseen Mrs Davies. Trisha, the only one with children, is worried sick about them but even if she is cringingly clingy, the way the others treat her, especially when speaking to her, is stunningly vindictive.

Fortunately, Leslie Longley as Nessa’s husband Jay, interrupts proceedings, bounding on stage in all his glory with Rudolph and his red nose playing a supporting role. He (Jay that is, not Rudolf) is, of course, obliged to pretend to be a woman, in a mini skirt, but at least sticks up for Trisha, tho by virtually bullying Nessa and Susan. And he is the only rounded character, the rest being caricatures, a mix of Pantomime Dame and Ugly Sister; the women must all be good at acting to portray them. They certainly excelled when singing (particularly Trisha) nearly a match for Jay.

The ending is most peculiar, like a comedy sketch tacked on, with Trisha, Nessa and Susan transformed into guttural Scouser lads, but much of it was funnier than the rest of the play. And given the dialogue overall, and the chaotic plot, it’s as if this were devised by two writers, each trying to outdo the other in being as outrageous as possible. In fact, writer and director is Lynn Fitzgerald, and she plays Susan. Part of a quartet: three down, Trisha to come in the Summer, something for the ecstatic audience to look forward to. And to be totally fair, they would have marked this as a 4.

Reviewer: Carole Baldock

Reviewed: 9th November 2026

North West End UK Rating: